"PASSWORD PLEASE", he asked in a commanding manner... "The pines gently sway"...she took a deep breath......he was even more handsome than she could have ever dreamt...her heart beated stronger than ever...or was her hypoglycemia playing up again...her face went white-pale "YES?", the commanding voice said, this time with a raising tone at the end, as if something more was expected to be said here... "...in the Austrian Breeze!", she cried out. "PLEASE ENTER", he bassooned, now more friendly than before, "AND BE WELCOME TO THE ..." ...mmm, that voice...so...male... "FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT LARS" "What's LARS?", she asked with a frazzled look on her still white-pale face... "Lets All Renounce Sugar? Lipid Adoring Raving Surveyor? Likely Amongst us to Raid the oreoS?" "Light Artillery Rocket System perhaps?", he replied with a military twinkle in his eye... She adored him... "Listen girl", he continued in a way that allowed no interruption... "Find it all out in this document, because these are the ", he filled his lungs until they nearly bursted... "Official FAQs about L A R S...!" Let's get serious, folks. Here you can: - discover all about this magic herb solution called Lars (sold exclusively at the Idema company) - learn about the secret Belgian police (you've never heared about them because they're secret) - the *real* meaning of the acronym - look up how to find LARS - discover the truth about The Waffles - learn all about the connection between AI methodology and LARS Enjoy! signed, LARS =============================================================================== Hypoglycemia mailing list: =============================================================================== Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 09:41:26 -0500 (EST) From: Retornofla To: HYPO-L@lists.princeton.edu Subject: New to HYPO Hi...do I have questions? Don't know where to begin... My doctor told me two weeks ago that Hypoglycemia was my problem...said to eat 6 small meals a day and that was it!! So, I came home and searched the net... thank you God, I found LARS...copied the diet etc and am following it to the best of my knowledge. My question..HOW DO YOU KEEP THE MEALS FROM GETTING BORING? AND WHAT ABOUT CHOLESTEROL...FROM EATING MEAT, CHEESE AND EGGS? I am feeling much better this week, so it must be working! Thank you for being here....Gen ( my E-mail address is Retorno) =============================================================================== Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 07:16:43 PT From: MYRA To: hypo-l@lists.Princeton.EDU Subject: Re: New to HYPO What is LARS, and what is the diet? I might want to copy it too... Thanks. === thank you God, I found LARS...copied the diet etc and am following it to the best =============================================================================== Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 07:16:43 PT From: MYRA To: hypo-l@lists.Princeton.EDU Subject: Re: New to HYPO What is LARS, and what is the diet? I might want to copy it too... Thanks. === thank you God, I found LARS...copied the diet etc and am following it to the best =============================================================================== Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 11:12:07 -0800 From: Sandra To: hypo-l@lists.Princeton.EDU Subject: Re: New to HYPO Retornofla wrote: > > Hi...do I have questions? Don't know where to begin... > My doctor told me two weeks ago that Hypoglycemia was my problem...said to > eat 6 small meals a day and that was it!! So, I came home and searched the > net... > thank you God, I found LARS...copied the diet etc and am following it to the > best > of my knowledge. > My question..HOW DO YOU KEEP THE MEALS FROM GETTING > BORING? AND WHAT ABOUT CHOLESTEROL...FROM EATING > MEAT, CHEESE AND EGGS? > > I am feeling much better this week, so it must be working! > Thank you for being here....Gen ( my E-mail address is Retorno@aol.com ) I too am new could you please tell me what LARS is. I have been looking for dietary information etc and have not been to successful. I found this mail list I think quite by accident. Thanks San =============================================================================== Date: 11 Mar 97 19:27:28 EST From: Randy To: reactive hypoglycemia E-list Subject: Hormone test results Dear Group, I'm glad the list is up and running again and we've gotten over the mail problems. Welcome to all the new people, and for those who keep asking "who/what is LARS," he's one of our members in the Netherlands whose home page is the site of the survey, http://huizen.dds.nl. (snip) Randy =============================================================================== Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 20:46:05 EST From: Brandy To: hypo-l@lists.Princeton.EDU Subject: Re: New to HYPO LARS is a person!! (Lars Idema has a wonderful website on hypoglycemia, check it out at huizen.dds.nl/hypo). As for the diet, I'm really not sure! I'm sorry! Which diet were they referring to? (My diet doesn't have a name - I'm just on a high protein, low carb diet). Sorry I couldn't be of more help!! Brandy :) "...and should I fall from grace here with you, will you leave me too?" -Smashing Pumpkins =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 00:31:38 -0500 (EST) From: David To: hypo-l@lists.princeton.edu Subject: An comical apology to LARS, Lars, (and everyone should enjoy this) I was one of the newcomers who, after reading your name, thought it was an acronym for a new hypoglycemic diet. I must have spent at least an hour searching LARS on Excite, and trying to figure out what the acronyms for LARS could be ... it was how I read it in context though, so I thought you would enjoy this, can you imagine? Finally Brandy gave me a clue ... nothing like embarassing yourself in front of thousands of people, God is CAD someone also! In sum, for the day ... I want to thank the people that have made this group possible. Everyone seems so supportive and always so positive. Most of the groups remind me of Congress, this one is special ... and the Diet Coke is wearing off finally! Thanks Lars, and sorry once again ... =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 17:40:25 +0100 From: Lars To: hypo-l@lists.princeton.edu Subject: FAQs, WWW-links to hypoglycemia, Re: What is LARS Glad to be in business again, Alejo and Allie! A big hurray! MYRA wrote: >What is LARS, and what is the diet? I might want to copy it too... >Thanks. >========================================================================= >>thank you God, I found LARS...copied the diet etc and am following it to >>the best Better write: "who is LARS" for that's me! I keep seeing messages that use my name as were I this magic herbal solution to hypoglycemia! It's true that I'm glad to help, but let's see things in perspective :) About the copying: be my guest :) *I* can not be copied (don't have children, yet, no clones either:), but the files on my homepage are very willing to be copied (URL see below) *The DIET* is the diet proposed by the Hypoglycemia Association, Inc. (US). It contains limited carbohydrates, and adequate protein and fat (both about 100 g/day). Many people feel well on that diet, but there are several other diets that work equally well, or perhaps even better for you. Check out the FAQs... (snip) not in business yet, Lars. (TAFKA "LARS") =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 97 8:55:38 PST From: Dwight To: Subject: re:What's a LARS? In response to a recent question, "What's a LARS?", I've decided to let everyone in on what, until now, has been a closely guarded secret. LARS is a code name used by those of us on the survey team (which is really an international group of people bent on overthrowing the dietary standards of the major nations of the world). Terrorists is too strong a word. We are more Anxietists. LARS stands for Lets-All-Renounce-Sugar. The reason we had to resort to a code name is that the Belgian Secret Police (I know you've never heard of them because they're secret) began getting nasty regarding the things we were saying about their waffles. The Danish...well, need I go on. We have used technology and web anonymity to our advantage. We have created a pseudo-person (named Lars...cute, huh?) in the Max Headroom genre. A server in the Netherlands, using AI methodology, for all intents and purposes, reacts like a real person if you access it via the net. When there are server crashes, messages are generated with LARS complaining of Hypo crashes. This foils all but the most determined investigators. So from now on, if you see messages from a Lars in the Netherlands, you know what is really going on. Don't be afraid! This is for your own good. We know what is best. Now go eat some protein. Dwight "Cherry Cobbler Che" Guevera =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 12:21:21 -0500 From: Jaya To: hypo-l@lists.Princeton.edu Hi all, And welcome to all the new members on the list (since it's resurrection i.e.) Once again, the good Reverend (No-ose, the Verbose) has me rolling on floor laughing! Nothing like a good laugh for a quivering/shivering hypo. knocked out from the demon flu! Jaya =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 97 10:06:52 PST From: Dwight To: Subject: Another Clue for you All! If you've read any of the Cyberpunk books by William Gibson, you'll remember how some of the AI personas were reaching the level of godhood, or at least demi-godhood. You'll notice that LARS' purported last name is IDEMA. This is an anagram for A DEMI (I thought it was a palindrome, but I was wrong). Assuming that our AI leader is not the wife of Bruce Willis, I think you can see where this is going to end up. Of course IDEMA is also an anagram for: MEDIA, I MADE, I.E. MAD, I DAME, I MEAD, I'M A ED, A MED I, and A DIM E (OK, I just threw this one in) And this is just for English. So if you have any paranoia related to any of the above terms, (or anything in any other language) you have discovered the multi-headed hydra we have created. Dwight "too much time on his hands" Shackelford =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 12:57:20 -0800 From: Pat To: hypo-l@lists.Princeton.EDU Subject: Dwight's Another Clue for you All! Dwight: You do have too much time on your hands! Lars will think we have lost our minds. Cyberpunk books notwithstanding, and what on earth are AIs, I would nominate Allie and Alejo as co-demi-gods for their service above and beyond the call of duty. Note to any readers: The above is tongue-in-cheek. Do not take it as sacreligious. Note to Dwight: In lieu of serious professional counselling , read "Holy Blood, Holy Grail" by Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh and Henry Lincoln. Any of Mr. Gibson's Cyberpunk will pale in comparison. Pat =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 13:30:42 -0800 From: Pat To: hypo-l@lists.Princeton.EDU Subject: What is a LARS? Dwight, this is for you. LARS is the acronym for Light Artillery Rocket System. Pat =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 14:00:18 -0800 From: Pat To: hypo-l@lists.Princeton.EDU Subject: Dwight, Again - What's a LARS? Note to readers: The posting below is an example of the dementia experienced in the most severe form of hypoglycemia, although experts debate the possibility of it being genetic. Pat =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 18:29:46 -0500 (EST) From: David To: hypo-l@lists.princeton.edu Subject: Re: What's a LARS? In a message dated 97-03-12 13:30:14 EST, you write: << In response to a recent question, "What's a LARS?", I've decided to let everyone in on what, until now, has been a closely guarded secret. LARS is a code name used by those of us on the survey team (which is really an international group of people bent on overthrowing the dietary standards of the major nations of the world). Terrorists is too strong a word. We are more Anxietists. LARS stands for Lets-All-Renounce-Sugar. The reason we had to resort to a code name is that the Belgian Secret Police (I know you've never heard of them because they're secret) began getting nasty regarding the things we were saying about their waffles. The Danish...well, need I go on. We have used technology and web anonymity to our advantage. We have created a pseudo-person (named Lars...cute, huh?) in the Max Headroom genre. A server in the Netherlands, using AI methodology, for all intents and purposes, reacts like a real person if you access it via the net. When there are server crashes, messages are generated with LARS complaining of Hypo crashes. This foils all but the most determined investigators. So from now on, if you see messages from a Lars in the Netherlands, you know what is really going on. Don't be afraid! This is for your own good. We know what is best. Now go eat some protein. Dwight "Cherry Cobbler Che" Guevera >> DWIGHT - THIS ONE DESERVES AN EMMY! David =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 17:42:36 -0600 From: Jeannie To: Subject: re:What's a LARS? Too funny! Humor works so well. =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 21:18:16 EST From: Brandy To: hypo-l@lists.Princeton.EDU *smile* Ah, now they know the secret...... :) It's about time they learned the truth about the waffles....... Brandy :) "...and should I fall from grace here with you, will you leave me too?" -Smashing Pumpkins =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 21:39:21 -0500 (EST) From: David To: hypo-l@lists.princeton.edu Subject: The Belgian Secret Police in Cincinnati>DWIGHT HELP! Dwight, Thanks for letting the cat out of the bag. The Belgian Secret Police showed up today, (they were very quiet and kept to themselves) ... they searched my cupboard for sugar. I did have a little and was able convince them I knew nothing of LARS. Actually, I keep a little table sugar around just to be convincing, that way they do not suspect that I am in the underground. I am off the hook for now, but we must change our secret password to "The pines gently sway in the Austrian Breeze." Is that sufficient? In a footnote:The NutraSweet people are likey going to try to take me down though: after my post to Mike exposing the dangers of their product I am scared. I am laying low tonight. *have we taken this too far???? Perhaps ... but isn't life too serious to take so serious? David =============================================================================== Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 21:54:40 -0800 From: Pat To: hypo-l@lists.Princeton.EDU Subject: Re: The Belgian Secret Police in Cincinnati>DWIGHT HELP! This is so funny and what I needed. Hypoglycemia is overwhelming and depressing at times and humor takes the edge off of it. Lars should have a humor section on his home page and include this thread from beginning to end titled, of course, "What is LARS?" Pat =============================================================================== ...and the story continues within the Survey Team: =============================================================================== From: LISA To: Survey Team Subject: Just so you all know... Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 14:37:24 -0500 ----------For a somewhat lighter side today - as if Dwight didn't already do that for us - THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I just wanted to share with you all that, in fact, OREO'S NOW HAVE A BLUE MIDDLE in celebration of their 85th anniversary and SPRING. Now, you do know that the pastel M&M's are on the oreo's heels, not to mention that the chocolate bunnies have multiplied (they are all kin to the energizer bunny), those cadberry eggs - PLEAZZZZE - have joined forces on all store checkout counters, the jelly beans come in so many flavors that you could actually create french onion soup with some work, and to really make you pray for spring - malted milk ball eggs are back. Pass me that 18 oz. Steak please....... -lcarey Likely Amongst us to Raid the oreoS (the upper case spells LARS - unfortunately, I am not as witty as some people I know....) =============================================================================== From: David Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 21:51:52 -0500 (EST) To: LARS Subject: Lars, how are you handling your increasing popularity Hi Lars, In the spirit of true American Capitalism, maybe we really should bottle a completely inert pill (gelatin) and label it LARS and sell it for $90.00 a jar? We have poked a lot of fun at you today, hope you took it in spirit! The comedy is a bit of relief to all of the rigors of the constant analyzation of the disease! I have not heard from Brandy at all, she seemed very down last night??? Let me know how I can begin to help you all. I will look to guidance, and all the while keeping an eye out for the Belgian Secret Police -Dwight makes me look normal-wow! David =============================================================================== From: LARS Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 21:51:52 -0500 (EST) To: Survey Team Subject: Re: Lars, how are you handling your increasing popularity At 09:51 PM 3/12/97 -0500, David wrote: >In the spirit of true American Capitalism, maybe we really should bottle a >completely inert pill (gelatin) and label it LARS and sell it for $90.00 a Make it $100.00, will you :) I'm not working for free here ;) Hey, why not put sugar in the pill, haaha (LOL) >jar? We have poked a lot of fun at you today, hope you took it in spirit! I'm a humorous guy. Hey, I can take @#@%$#@#%@#% it :) > The comedy is a bit of relief to all of the rigors of the constant >analyzation of the disease! >look to guidance, and all the while keeping an eye out for the Belgian Secret >Police -Dwight makes me look normal-wow! 8s) (wearing glasses and a mustache now) Lars. =============================================================================== From: Meher To: Survey Team Subject: Re: Survey Newsletter #6 Date: Thu, 13 Mar 97 06:24:14 GMT On 13/03/97 07:09, "P.K." wrote: > > and now everyone wants to know what a LARS is and where > they can get one. > > Does anyone know where I can get one? I don't care what it is, it > must > be desirable. > Ditto, and it sounds as though it would be excellent for hypos as well ;-) Meher. =============================================================================== COMMERCIAL INFO: =============================================================================== limited stock...order now...get in shape...order now...beat lethargy...order n Jars of LARS magic herb solution can be ordered exclusively at the Idema company: "ORDER LARS" , price: $100.00 per jar (80 tablets). Visa, Mastercard and E-cash accepted. They are costly, but you'll get quite some health in return. The pills are really nutritious because they contain 100% of the calories of sugar, but don't have the ill effects of it. The formula is created with the help of bio technologies. The sugar cane genes have been modified so that the molasses' glycemic index is lowered to a harmless 15, instead of 90. Whenever you feel low, just take LARS and voila, you're up on your feet again! ow...get in shape...order now...beat lethargy...order now...limited stock...ord =============================================================================== Greetings, Lars. (formerly known as LARS) You can contact him at: "LARS"